In today’s world of ever-present technology, we’ve never been more connected and less known. Most of us carry hundreds of contacts in our phones but can name only a handful of people who truly know us. The barriers to meaningful relationships are many. With fully booked schedules, screens competing for our attention, and daily activities like work, shopping, and entertainment done solo or online, people just don’t spend as much time together as they used to.
This is ironic because for most of human history, relationships were largely the ones people were born into. Today, we have extraordinary choice about where we go and who we meet. The question is whether we use that choice to widen our circle of engagement or narrow it. Intentionally building quality relationships is one of the best leadership choices we can make.
Positive relationships make us better, especially when we seek out relationships with people who are different from us. Differences make relationships valuable because each person has something to offer that the other doesn’t. What we gain isn’t just new contacts or access. We gain new understanding, deeper empathy, more courage, and ideas we would never have come up with on our own.
Here are practices that support you in building connection:
- Learn someone’s choice points. Ask why they chose that school, cheer for that team, or moved to this town. Choices reveal what moves a person, and the answers often uncover common ground you never expected.
- Go where you’re the newcomer. Join a project, group, or lunch table outside your usual circle. Being new signals openness, and people tend to meet openness with their own.
- Put the phone away. When you’re with someone, keep your phone out of sight, not just face down. Undivided attention is rare today, and people notice and remember it.
- Stay curious when you disagree. When someone sees things differently, ask what experiences shaped their view before sharing your own. Understanding doesn’t require agreement, and it builds trust.
- Follow up. Take initiative to reconnect. Circle back on something someone has shared, whether it was a child’s game, an interesting hobby, or a big presentation, to show care and interest.
Civil rights leader Hollis Watkins gives powerful advice for how best to create connection: “Respect is what you do, not what you have. First, listen, and hear; second, ask, and learn; third, show respect and you will get it; and fourth, don’t try to be anyone different from who you are. Be yourself.”
If each of us makes time to get right with relationships, not only will we flourish, but our families, workplaces, and futures will become better.
Founded in 2004, Lead Star is the company behind the best-selling books SPARK, Leading from the Front, and Bet on You. Lead Star helps professionals reach new levels of success through its innovative leadership development programs.
