As someone who served in the Marines, I’m often asked about the difference between leading in the military and leading in the private sector. While I have a variety of thoughts on the question, the one that surprises people most is how often in the military we spoke about the importance of genuinely caring for the people beside us. We talked about love just as much as we talked about integrity.
For leaders, love and integrity are polarities. They are a pair of values that need each other. You don’t solve for one or the other; you move between them, leaning into one without losing the other. Love moves toward people. Integrity holds steady on what’s true and right. When brought together with sincerity, they are a powerful pair. Consider these examples:
- The struggling performer. A leader notices a capable team member slipping. Love shows up as curiosity and support: asking what’s going on, offering resources, believing the person can develop. Integrity shows up as clarity: naming the gap specifically, setting a timeline, and following through on next steps if things don’t improve. Love alone lets the person drift toward failure; integrity alone makes the interactions feel like judgments.
- The promise you can’t keep. You told the team a project would bring promotions, and budget cuts changed that. Integrity means telling the truth early and owning the broken commitment rather than letting it fade quietly. Love means delivering the news personally, acknowledging disappointment, and working to find other ways to recognize people’s effort. When love and integrity work together, the team may feel let down, but trust remains intact.
- The high performer who damages the culture. Someone hits every number but belittles colleagues. Integrity means holding them to the same behavioral standard as everyone else, because excusing them tells the team that results matter more than respect. Love means caring enough about this person to name the behavior directly, coach them, and give them a genuine chance to change. Love and integrity come together in the same hard conversations.
- Your own mistakes as a leader. You make a bad call that costs the team. Integrity means owning it publicly, without spin or shifting blame. Love means turning toward the people affected, repairing the damage, and supporting those who felt the consequences. Accountability that includes repair builds more trust than any pretense of perfection.
Love at work is less a feeling than a choice. It’s deciding to act in someone’s best interest, especially when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. It isn’t about liking people, being friends with them, or keeping them happy. You can even love someone you find difficult.
Integrity means being the same person in every room: keeping your word, living your values, and holding standards consistently. It isn’t about being rigid, perfect, or always right. It’s about owning your actions and holding others accountable with care and compassion.
Integrity tells people what you stand for. Love tells them you’re standing with them.
Founded in 2004, Lead Star is the company behind the best-selling books SPARK, Leading from the Front, and Bet on You. Lead Star helps professionals reach new levels of success through its innovative leadership development programs.
