Two recent conversations sparked my thoughts on the fine line between self-help and self-leadership. One happened during a client call, and the other in a deep conversation with a close friend about growth and identity—particularly the challenges of redefining ourselves after military retirement. Both discussions left me with an important question:
When does the pursuit of self-improvement shift from serving us to distracting us from what we already know and who we truly are?
As someone driven by the desire to grow, I asked myself: Am I searching for something I already have? The thought caught me off guard. Identity isn’t about reaching some “final version” of ourselves. Instead, it’s about learning, adapting, and striving to improve. Growth is an integral part of who I am, but that ambition can sometimes lead to unmet expectations and disappointment—and that’s okay.
In reflecting further, I realized that leadership follows a similar path. Leadership isn’t about endlessly chasing all the right answers. It’s about acting on the insights and values you already hold. Authentic leadership comes to life through small, deliberate actions each day: supporting a colleague, offering a listening ear, lending a hand on a project, or recognizing someone’s efforts. These seemingly simple moments are where authentic leadership is built.
As a coach, I’ve seen how the most successful clients grow. They don’t stop at gathering information—they apply it. They experiment with new strategies, adjust when things don’t go as planned, and keep moving forward. Growth, both personal and professional, isn’t about having a flawless plan. It’s about taking action, learning through experience, and refining your approach.
Yet, leaders often face a trap similar to that of self-help junkies: absorbing knowledge without applying it. We read leadership books, attend workshops, and listen to podcasts—but it all becomes background noise if we don’t act on what we learn. The best leaders take what they learn and apply it in real-world scenarios. They test, reflect, adjust, and iterate until they find what works.
So, how can you turn what you know into what you do? Leadership is an active pursuit. It’s about small, purposeful steps that drive meaningful change—not just in yourself but also in the people and teams you lead. Here are three steps to help you get started:
1. Start Small and Specific. Big goals can feel daunting. Instead, focus on a single, manageable action you can take this week. For instance, if you’ve been learning about active listening, commit to using it in your next team meeting.
2. Reflect and Adjust. After taking action, reflect on the results. What worked? What didn’t? Use those insights to refine your approach. Leadership is a continuous process of learning and growth.
3. Hold Yourself Accountable. Accountability accelerates progress. Whether it’s through a coach, mentor, or peer, having someone to guide and challenge you can make all the difference.
In both leadership and personal growth, true transformation happens in the doing. What’s one step you can take today? Start there—and keep moving forward.
